& here you have it.

You really don’t know what you got till it’s gone. I regret not wanting to go visit you because I always put the thought in my mind that there was more time but I was just selfish. The last time I seen you was over a year ago. You, Christian, Joshua, and I were sitting on the couch. You were telling us a samoan joke and even if neither of us got it, we were all laughing and just living in the moment. I knew you were in pain because every time you laughed a row of coughs came along with it. I know I didn’t spend as much time as I should of with you, but I cherish every single memory I have of you. You were such a happy man and you always had the biggest smile when I came over since you never got to see me. RIP apo, I love you so much. Right now all I hear is you saying “creestelllllll!” in your Filipino accent.

I know it’s serious this time because usually I give in and fall back into love just like that.. but not this time. I don’t know when, how, or why all of a sudden everything just changed. I’m just as confused as this post is. One minute I feel okay, everything is how it’s supposed to be then I realize I haven’t heard from you in awhile and that’s not us. Then again, no one deserves to be in a relationship where you argue and make up everyday. I guess this just means that I’ve had enough with that or maybe… I’m just being stubborn. I hate how I’m so confused I mean, what if I’m just over thinking this. I hate being confused. I hate this.

My uncle told me I should be thankful that I have parents

But my mom and I are never on common ground and my father doesn’t even call me to ask “how are you”. I don’t want to seem like an ungrateful bitch… but why can’t I get along with my mom and why can’t my dad act like one.